The only thing I remember thinking the night my mum died was just breathe. I held my breath every time she would stop breathing. When she took a breath I would take mine, slowly her breathing stopped and with it my heart.
Not everyone will know this about me, but my mum died when I was Seventeen. I had to give her CPR as she was having a heart attack. As you probably figured out it didn't work. Somehow her life just drifted through my fingers into the beyond...
When you lose someone at such a young age you lose a little of your self at the same time. No one really talks about death and the feelings that will come with it; the sadness, the anger, the fact that life keeps going and you feel for a long time guilty if you enjoy it. The unfortunate thing about our society is that it teaches us not to feel. Feeling doesn't get work done, doesn't get the grades, doesn't get the job you wanted. But being emotionless also doesn't give you happiness. Without deep sadness, you cannot feel profound joy, and that's the real tragedy.
Until we are able to talk about the tragedies within in our lives, without judgment about how we are feeling, we won't be able to honestly feel our way through our pain. Its time to start these conversations, express our deepest sorrows and show that it's ok to vulnerable and open. If we are all a little more open when we suffer we won't feel so alone.